Although I haven't performed in a musical/light opera since college, I have performed a lot since college. I sang in a church choir and was a featured soloist both in OH and in CT, I sing at my church occassionally, I've sung for weddings, etc. With all of the performing I've done for many years, I was amazing at how vulnerable I felt at my first real blocking rehearsal for leads--and I'm just an understudy.
While I'm confident about my singing skills, I've never been a fabulous actress, so I felt very insecure as we were blocking scenes. I felt very vulnerable delivering my lines to a group of strangers, some of who I know are judgemental, based on conversations I overheard. Also, having worked with my partner in crime at school in blocking and choreographing songs, where we run repeatedly in small chunks until the kids are accurate, the director I'm working with has a laid-back style. He basically listened to us read/sing and then gave us some very vague direction. Because I'm an understudy, I got to run through it once after watching a few times, but still was unsure of what exactly I'm supposed to do. So unnerving for me. First, I'm a perfectionist, and I like to know very specifically what I'm supposed to be doing. Second, I'm used to being the one who is telling everyone else what to do, so it is strange to be on the other side.
I'm definitely learning a lot, and even though I will probably never perform the role, I am learning so much. It is really giving me a great perspective on how my students must feel, and I think that I will definitely be a much different music director because of it. It also makes me really appreciate the amount of time my students put into working on their parts, in addition to their other activities and schoolwork.
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